There Is More To Sex Than Just Orgasm

I've heard people argue that the one thing that drew Adam and Eve from the garden of Eden isn't actually apple but sex. While people say that sexual activity is for pleasure, others also posit that it involves healing, communication, and spiritual bonding. Different  views have been raised about what age and time is fit for sexual engagements but this article will not try to delve into any of such limitations. We shall just try to understand why sex is way more important than just having a pleasurable moment. Today's world has made the act more liberal so much that just anyone gets up and engages in sex without understanding why they are doing it. Understanding is very vital in any area of life. 

He is too big. She is too tight. He ejaculates pretty quick. She is too dry. It was one of the most boring encounters ever. It was a painful experience. There was no real involvement from her. He was only in it to satisfy himself. These are some of the conversations we hear daily from people's sexual escapades, and I must say it can be pathetic to hear some of these remarks. Recently,  I was at Joy FM, an Accra based English speaking radio station, on the show called "Late Night Express", discussing about 'Sex in books' and sex in general. The following pointers came out of our about 2 hours engagement. Let's talk about sex... 

Give it your all

Better safer than never. If you must indulge, give it your best shot. Ladies like to be massaged, kissed, caressed, and turned on. Guys, No need rushing. It's not a car race. Guys also like to be touched and played with so ladies take note. Choose the right environment, time or place to set the mood for love making. Entice each other with sex texting throughout the day and hold no boundaries when it comes to foreplay. Oral sex is a sure thing. Both parties should take turns exploring one another's temples. Ladies, guys love ladies who are not boring at it. In the 'red room' of pleasure, there are no limitations.

Let your bodies be in rhythm

You will need to trust in the magic of your bodies. Listen  to it as the rhythm between the two of you flow. Do not hold back the flow. Moan. Groan. Scream if you must. Let the neighbors know that, yes, you are enjoying what you are doing. Allow for free and momentary touches of the most awesome spots, the nipples, navel, neck, everywhere. Enjoy each step as your partner takes you on a smooth ride. Enjoy each other's company and do not rush things. Take things slow, then build up pace gradually. When the best shot comes, dance to the music it plays. Entice one another, or tease if you can. Explode with passion and focus on making your partner (especially the lady) happy. Excite each other through creative ways such as ice cream spread, chocolate exchange, candle lights, romantic rose-oil massages, you name it. Spice things up with a sweet tune from your favorite Playlist accompanied by some white or red wine. You've got to love this. 

Communicate

Talk about your needs, your hurts, your joy. Communicate your expectations and experiences with your partner. While in the act, tell each other enticing words. Speak into their ears. Say something silly or funny to your lover's hearing. Allow the words to do their part of stimulation too. Communication makes the both of you comfortable and you enjoy each other's company better. Silence will mean not knowing what your partner is going through so talk to them and know if you're on the right path. Listen to your master and follow their rules. By whatever means, talk before, during and after the act.

These keys should guide you. Sex should not be boring. It's meant for pleasure, satisfaction and fulfillment. Behold your partner with great love and respect while engaging in an uninterrupted smooth journey to the world of passion. Sex,  if done right, can be healthy and create a positive impact on one's physical, emotional and psychological well being. Will love to hear your suggestions and feedback on what an effective sex means to you. 

Justica Anima 

Adjeianima@gmail.com 

Switstica.blogspot.com 

Send My Letter To Your New Lover

To you my old "gig" and your new love, 

Your new lover will definitely ask about your past relationship and your reply will be what I did wrong and what you did right to stop my unusual behavior. New love (NL from henceforth) will nod at all you say and answer, "I believe you". Now, I hope they come  across this letter and decide for themselves what it is like to date someone of your calibre. Of all the things in the world, people are the most difficult to deal with. You know why? 'Cos people change.

You are truly an amazing person, but your personality needs a little fixture. You came to me with all the promises you are promising NL and yet you failed. I took time to watch you grow and thought we would outgrow some of our mismatches and yet all you gave me were lots of punches to run away from.

I must admit that loving you was bitter-sweet because you were one hell-of-an-addiction I could not outrightly stop messing around in my head with. Being with you had its own lessons that I am grateful for learning because without it I thought life was all about winning and never loosing. Your NL must know that to win you over and stay in that spot is not an easy task.Day in day out, I discovered a new trait in you. Perhaps, those traits were ones you never knew about yourself either. 

NL, please deal well with this lover because wild creatures need to be handled with extra care and understanding. NL, I also must tell you this, it's our little secret; Never stop saying "I love you". Once you stop, the power of your love will begin to die. Doubt yourself, doubt your love, but never doubt this person I left for you to have the chance to meet. Yes, there may be others, but until you get to meet them believe in what you own.

Today, I am out here wishing I knew all the right things that could have been done to keep this sweet union you are enjoying with someone else. You, NL, must know that I am not a monster at all. It is just something you were told just to make you feel good about yourself. Deep within, I know you love all of my imperfections and wished they were your strengths.

NL, do you and not anyone else(not even me) in order to keep your love intact. That day you stop being you, same day things will fall out of place. You should know that you are with a terrible lover who desires the qualities they lack in themselves from another person. Is there a perfect lover anyway?

Align yourself with what you feel deep within. If it's good you're good to go, if it's ugly face it. Face this newness of love with a big deep heart. Where the heart leads you, go there. Be happy NL because I lost something so you could find it and be happy. Whenever you feel like giving up remember someone else did and lost it all, and that's me. All the same, if you happen to be the second version of me, give it up anyway. When you do, move on and go look for who you think is your true love. I may not have all the experience to tell you what to do with your love life but I hope this one guides you along the way. I'm that sweet (winks). 

NL obey. Obedience is the beginning of success. Obey my words and obey the love you have. And when we finally get to meet, I hope to give you a big hug, congratulating you for tackling and finishing a task that I wasn't able to accomplish.

Best of luck, NL.
With love from your lover's ex.

Justica Anima
Adjeianima@gmail.com
Switstica.blogspot.com

Dear Ex, I Wish You Knew This...

The phone went dead in my ears as I dropped unto the floor in total regret and tears. All efforts to make this work proved futile. Days turned to weeks which turned into months. How I wish you reasoned the same with me, then things could have been easier for both of us. Cry as much as I did, nothing could change your mind about coming back to us. To you, we were a dead piece of wood that could never be revived by barrels of water. Total disregard for what we once shared was what we decided to embark on. Such a long goodbye we bid for a journey to an uncertain world. My darling. Sorry, I wish I could call you that but it's no longer a valid title. I miss you and yet I am scared to let you know lest you consider me weak and lonely.

For so long I have remained in the silence that you left behind. No more  early morning and late night calls from you. No more dates and long walks in the cold night. No more giggles and tickles from you. It's a shame that two grown ups could only resolve to letting go when we could have stayed through to the end. And as if letting go was not enough, we chose to punish each other with the silence at the end of the line. Reliving the memories we shared only causes the heart to ache. Sharing what we had with others only remains as an experience worth telling. No amount of Justin Bieber's "Sorry" will work the magic of having you back,  or maybe it would. Ours is a broken bridge now; where neither of us can walk to eachother's side without falling into the deep.

If tomorrow ever comes, I want you to know that I have deep remorse for losing a good friend as you. I always have you in a chamber of my heart. Forgetting you will be like forgetting my birthday. I hope that you are happy where you are. If you are not, remember that neither am I. We can only not make the mistake twice by letting eachother go again and again so let's stick to this pattern. Whatever it may be, let us keep hope alive knowing that we shall meet again. Face to face we shall meet again. We shall meet but no more as lovers but as friends. And when we do, I hope we smile and say, "I'm glad I met you".

Before I let you go, I must tell you that moving on has given me room to accept who I am. I have chosen to be strong and confident. Learning to be alone has taught me many things including loving myself first. I have grown into believing in myself so much that I release the energy of being myself wherever I go. I have learnt not to try to fit into someone else's space. Losing is now winning to me because now I know that to lose is to gain something more greater. I hope you get to know that too.

Always remember that I bear you no grudge. I think of you the same way as I always have. I still believe in you and how beautiful you made my world feel like. Get to meet more people and forget about me since you already know how to do that so well. I will also try to do same. I hope that when you think about me it makes you smile; I do that all the time. Do not think of me as a devil because I'm no such person. Let love remain. We will outgrow it all oneday.

From an ex-lover to the one I once loved and wish I still did, I hope you get to know that I have not forgotten about everything yet. I would really be inhuman if I should admit I have. Cherishing every moment and memories of my life is what I do best. I wish this dream never ends. Don't wake me up.

Justica Anima  
adjeianima@gmail.com
Switstica.blogspot.com

The Communication and Relationship Factor: Dealing with People

The learning process is an interesting journey to embark on.
When it comes to dealing with people, most of us find it quite difficult. Everyone seems to have their own egoistic nature that they will not allow to be bruised. However like in most games,  there are always winners and losers. Choosing to be a winner or loser in our relationships with people is a personal choice. I mostly hear people say play the fool and let the issues die. I beg to differ. We all have specific attitudes and behaviours that can make a relationship thrive which must not be overlooked.

Know your role

In dealing with people, it is advisable to know what you stand for in their life. If you are the leader, it is good to be firm. Mind you, you are trying to be liked and to be obeyed at the same time. Does that mean you must be a dictator in order to be obeyed? It is key to note that people will get offended no matter how we treat them. That is not to say that we must treat them anyhow anyway. If you know your role as a friend,  family, sister, aunt, teacher, in another person's life, you learn words and actions that can easily communicate to the person. Choose words that do not easily offend the person's personality. Applaud and rebuke, but in a way that resonates your exact sentiments to the person without them feeling offended.

Respect other's views

In as much as we all share different opinions in life, it is important to listen  and understand before we communicate. I find it very unapologetic when people refuse to listen and later give bad judgment of a situation. I bet this is not taught in most of our classrooms. However,  any good communication book will teach you the importance of listening and understanding before communicating . After listening, it helps you understand the angle from which the other party is coming from. This way, we are able to give a good if not better response. Never rubbish another person's view on a situation just because you disagree.

Speak with empathy

How does it feel when after telling someone your situation the person speaks to you with so much concern and love? That is exactly what empathy seeks to achieve. You are able to connect with someone's opinion, be in their shoes, and communicate well in relation to their very self. Once you begin to attack another without truly understanding them, you open yourself to disagreements.

Be soft and firm

The truth is that not all persons can handle being treated with persuasion, sometimes it is good to be firm for others to get the message. In the bid to be firm and frank, we also do not want to appear difficult, tough or controversial (some terms given to firm people). In this way, we can communicate firmness and softness in a way that resonates true concerns, with words that will not be misunderstood or misconstrued. Literally, what this means is let your yes be yes, and your no be no.

The focus of this is to try as much as possible not to step on so many toes while dealing with people in our everyday lives. Do share how best you communicate with people with us. The aim is to be able to win more friends and influence more people rather than more enemies or ill wishers.

Do Men Fear to Approach High Maintenance Women?

It recently struck me that most women are falling short of men in their lives.  This observation  is based on a little of my experience and experiences of other women in my life.  Now let's shift our focus first to who a high maintenance woman is.

She is one that has empowered herself to do more. She is a well groomed person who knows which colors and pieces to combine when it comes to clothing. She likes to look good and guess what? When you're with her you look good too. She is one who is confident, outspoken, and not easily intimidated. She is knowledgeable and holds a good conversation anytime anywhere. Sometimes, she may own her own company or be doing very well in her field of endeavor. As the name goes, she requires that she well taken care of in order to be maintained. In all, she is fun to be with.

My friends and I mostly talk about relationships among other interesting subject matters. And anytime we hold such conversations they never said anything good about men in general. That aside,  Esi, who is the most high maintenance amongst us revealed that men of our time like women who they can easily manipulate to do their will without questioning. All of us could not agree less. But the question was why is that?

That is not to say there are no men who like this category of women. But the question is how many do? Perhaps our men have a problem with confidence in themselves. Better still, it may be the issue of taking good care of these type of women. Alex my friend confirmed my thoughts when he told me that the way he sees me if I do not hurry and get married,  soon men will not approach me anymore. His reason for saying that was simple, because I know too much and that could scare the men away. Did that mean that men wanted stupid women?

That conversation left me thinking. Here I was, thinking that our men rather loved to be around women who could bring ideas on board. A week after conversing with Alex,  another guy came up with the same talk when my cousin jokingly called him her new boyfriend. You should have seen how he screamed. He mentioned that he cannot handle her as a girlfriend because he may not be able to make her happy. Asked why he said that? He confessed that women like her are hard to please because they put in a lot of energy in looking healthy and beautiful. I only shook my head in disbelief.

The fear of most women now is whether or not to look or feel good, or to pursue higher heights since the men are not forthcoming. I write this because of such women and also to the men out there. Sisters, it is a good thing to build yourself up. It is a good thing to always look your best. This should not be because you want to actually attract a man. Basically, it is to make you happy with or without a man. To the men, such women are really not difficult to please. You just have to be a full blown highly responsible man to match up to their needs as women. Not all of such women are spend rifts, disrespectful, impolite and promiscuous as most of you think. They are simply ladies who have learned to carry themselves with the respect in their society.

That brings us to the story about Priscilla. She used to be so much into fashion. Her fashion sense was 'wow'. Make up on point. Clothing on point. Bags and shoes on point. Accessories on point. Intelligence spectacular. She only had one issue and that was finding love. Someone then advised her to tone down her dressing and also not engage in so much intelligent conversations when talking to men. She obeyed and found love. She got married and her husband started following intelligent well groomed(high maintenance) young women.

Priscilla is currently divorced and living her life happily as a single. She had to learn the hard way that being herself would have been better. It could have won her the right person that matched her personality. So back to the question, do Ghanaian men fear to approach high maintenance women? Share your thoughts to help a woman unravel a mystery.

Justica Anima (all social networks)
Adjeianima@gmail.com